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Welcome to Brook Haven!
Welcome to Brook Haven Ranch! We are a 18+ premium role playing community set in Trader's Bend, Montana. Our concept is the culmination of twenty years of plotting and planning. We feature a rich, developed program in which many troubled characters thrive. Our community is one of the best on jcink and we look forward to you becoming a part of it!
Healing Horses & Troubled Teens since 1995
Not every teenager has the benefit of growing up in a loving, happy home. Some are victims of abuse, neglect, a system that shuffles them from foster home to foster home. Brook Haven Ranch was established in 1995 as a refuge for abused and neglected horses -- and teenagers who needed a second chance in life and the opportunity to become something more than society expects of them.
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 my charade is the event of the season, 17 / trailblazer / landon liboiron
matthew strider
Student • 17 YRS
ESTJ
Occupation
Student
Nickname
Mattie
Pronouns
he/him/his
Sexual Orientation
Homosexual
Status
single
Partner
n/a
Riding Style
English
Baby
is
Grand Adventure

Breed
Clev. Bay
Gender
gelding
Age
8 Years
Disciplines
cross country
Application
is Offline


Age
37
Pronouns
she/her/hers
Timezone
GMT-5
Contact
PM for Discord
22 Posts
270 Points
Trailblazer
Mustang
Matthew Strider
CW: m/m sexual abuse, heroin addiction, heroin use, self-harm, parental abandonment, reparative/conversion therapy

Basics


Full Name: matthew james strider
Nickname/Alias: mattie -- never "matt"
Date of Birth: november 12
Current Age: 17
Gender: cismale
Pronouns: he/him/his
User Group: trailblazer
Sub-Group: student

Appearance


Eye Color: blue
Hair Color: brown
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 126 lbs
Scars or Marks:
  • scratch marks on his knuckles
  • thin scar on right side of forehead
  • long scar covered by hair at the back of his head
  • series of long, thick scars across buttocks and thighs
  • small cut marks on forearms (extensive self-harm)
  • track marks on forearms from heroin use

Tattoos or Piercings none
Face Claim: landon liboiron

Personality


MBTI Type: estj
Likes: quiet time, sunrises, early mornings, the earth just after the rain, the smell of fresh-cut grass, peppermint tea, old movies, quilts, being on the water, swimming, being in the water, the feel of sand between his toes, escaping into a high, large rocks, small rocks, geology in general, horror movies, writing, journaling, new pens, the smell of new books, book stores, used book stores, cats, horses, dogs (sometimes), zoos, holding hands with the right people, the buzz of smoking cigarettes, being alone with his best friends, the feeling of control hunger gives him, reading, going to parties, zombie stories, live action role play, going to the movies, broken in boots
Dislikes: being gay, heroin, being a disappointment, the way he feels when he's high, being criticized, his relationship with food, his body, his father, his mother's enabling, belts, romance movies, school, clothing that doesn't cover everything, bring flirted with by girls, new boots, new clothes, clothing that doesn't fit, being surrounded by too many people, being judged, judgmental churches, dealing with his homosexuality, being blamed for his father's abuse, feeling guilty for what happened to him, guilt in general
Strengths: persistent, diligent, fiercely loyal, loving, affectionate, gracious, controlled, generous, kind, outgoing, good sense of humor
Weaknesses: clumsy, short-sighted, focuses on short-term goals, addicted to heroin, anorexic, body dysmorphia, zealous, repressed
Fears: sexual contact, being raped, being beaten, recovery from heroin addiction, needles, terminal illness, getting sick, going home, luke becoming the next victim, losing his brothers, never converting to straight
Aspirations: become straight, become a novelist

Psychology


Divergence: severe depression, heroin addiction, addictive personality disorder, reactive attachment disorder, self harming, anorexia nervosa
Risk Factors: continued sexual abuse by his father, the religious belief that it is wrong to be homosexual, a deep desire to "convert" to heterosexuality
Current Treatment: none

Brook Haven Referral


Referred by: jessica strider, mother
Referred for: heroin addiction, risk of runaway
Problem Areas: matthew is anorexic and continues to self harm in any way that he can, even when he can't get his hands on blades or matches.

Relationships


Romantic Orientation: homoromantic
Sexual Orientation: homosexual
Relationship Status: single
Significant Other: none

Lifestyle


Career/Occupation: student
Education: sophomore year
Dream Job: horror novelist, editor
Home Town: fairfield, connecticut
Religion: deeply, sincerely christian

Equestrian Life


Preferred Riding Style: english
Disciplines: cross country, eventing
Riding Strengths: patient, compassionate, good relationship with horse
Riding Weaknesses: clumsy, poor posture, weak
It's Matthew or Mattie. Don't call me Matt. God I hate being called Matt. Shit, I'm trying not to take His name in vain so much any more. Old habits die hard. All of them, even the heroin in the cigarettes. They're always there, waiting for me to come and find them and go back to the way things were before. Even I don't want that.

Nobody around here asks "why." They don't want to know, and my parents sent me here because they figured that this place would change me, stop me from using the drugs and they'd "get their 'good boy' back." That's what Mom said before she dropped me off outside that door. They wouldn't let her come in, not the counselors who greeted her at the door with plastic smiles and a faint stale smell like their clothes had been dried in a machine without any of those dryer sheet things. My mom used to hang ours out because it smelled better that way.

My mother, she knows why, but she won't tell herself that it's true. She's always saying that I'm lying about it, or that Blaise is lying about it, and that I couldn't possibly be telling the truth because... I don't want to talk about why she doesn't believe me. She doesn't believe me because she's a stupid cunt who doesn't give a shit about her kids. Why would she when my father supports her and she doesn't have to do anything because he's the one who goes to work and comes home and takes his frustrations out on us instead of her? He's never asked her for a thing because he's not into her that way.

No, he's into his sons. He's into young boys. He's into nocturnal battles and muffled screams and lashes with his belt. He's into the pain of it all, the struggle and the hurt and humiliation and the way that it makes us feel small.

It happened to Blaise before me, but he left as soon as he could. Nobody knows where he went, just that it's not here and that he's probably not going to come back. One thing I know for sure is that he didn't care to stop Dad from doing it to me when he was done with him. The heroin mattered more to him than I did, or than Luke did. I'd give anything to go back for Luke, but they won't let me make that phone call, and they won't let e reach out to him and they won't go back for him unless I tell them why I need to get him.

They don't care why I shoot up, but they want to know why I need to go and get my brother. It's so they can "help" me, they say. I'm not so sure about that at all. I don't like it. Why should I have to tell them about the things my father did so that they'd protect my brother.

Some of these kids here, they're foster kids, instantly protected because they're part of this community, all of them like one another. They've all had their fair share of shit (I'm really trying not to say that word, I'm sorry!) and none of us are different from one another, but I swear they look at those of us who have parents out there differently, like we're somehow better off than they are. They don't know anything about my life, about the things I've been through, about how much I have got to go back fro my brother.

It's not something that I want to talk about. You're not getting details from me. You just gotta know that Luke's back there and our father is probably nailing him right now if you don't do something about it. I don't care what my mother said about me lying; She's wrong. She's lying. Dad always said that it was my fault he was the way that he is. He said the same thing to my brother Blaise. Said that we deserved it, that we asked for it, that he had to punish us for making him want us the way that he did.

And my mother -- that bitch -- she protected him.

Whatever happens, I ain't going back there. No matter what. Come hell or high water, I am not going back to that place.

Not Without My Brother

When Matthew was sent to Brook Haven, he came without his little brother, Luke. He's afraid that his father might have turned on Luke since Matthew is no longer available for his nighttime needs, and therefore Matthew is doing everything in his power to get to his brother and rescue him from their father. This includes a willingness to run away to get back home and get Luke. It's been a bit of a disaster so far, and Matthew may be creating some havoc for the town because of the home's difficulty keeping him in one place.

Born This Way

Matthew is a sincere Christian in spite of everything that he does to his body between the heroin and the anorexia, but he is also gay. This is something that he's fighting hard, and he can't seem to come to terms with his sexuality or his place in the world. It's been a problem for him for quite some time, and it's not showing any signs of resolving itself.

Wasting Away

Anorexia is a two things for Matthew: A way to cope with the way that his body changed shortly before his father began to abuse him, and a way to control his world when everything around him felt as though it was out of control. Now that he's on the ranch, he must maintain a BMI of 18 in order to be permitted to continue to ride, and he wants to ride. He's recovering from his addiction, but anorexia is as much an addiction as the heroin is.

About Matthew

A couple of things that you need to know about Matthew right off the bat, so let me get this out there for anyone who is interested in playing with him.

  • It's Matthew or Mattie, and never Matt. He hates being called Matt and will make a big stink about it if somebody calls him this. The staff should be aware because it should be written in his file during the admit process, but please don't call him "Matt."
  • He's gay, but he's not happy about it. Matthew has a strong Christian Faith and he believes that his homosexuality is the worst kind of sin. He won't push his views on others, but it has turned him against himself and he struggles terribly with the feeling that he's doing something wrong just by being attracted to other boys.
  • He has a deep faith in the Christian religion, and he knows he's doing the wrong things. It's not just being gay, but the heroin use, and his tattoos, and everything that he's chosen that he knows goes against his faith. Matthew hates himself for the things that he can control, and even some of the things that he can't control. It's a vicious cycle of self-abuse.
  • His father blamed him for abusing him, and Matthew believes that he's to blame for it. Even though his father also abused his elder brother, Matthew blames himself for the abuse and he believes that it was his fault. Therefore, he's the one who committed a grievous sin and not his father. It's something he knows he can't take back, and that tears him up.
  • Mattie is severely anorexic. He will avoid all food at all times if he can. This is a means of slow suicide for him and he will need to be watched and pushed (hard) to keep him eating enough to gain weight. This means that he's coming onto the ranch already "grounded."

Platonic

Matthew needs friends like he needs air to breathe. While he leans toward introversion, it's a scale and he's more social than many introverts are. He would love to have a few close friends who understand that he doesn't want to talk about the things that have happened in his past, that he's more invested in moving forward with the new life that Second Chances has promised him, and that he struggles with matters of faith and family.

Somebody who cares enough about him to listen to him talk about his little brother would be an amazing best friend for Matthew, who desperately needs a (male) friend in his life who can provide support and understanding when he's desperate to get to Luke -- or just craving heroin and cigarettes so much that he can't sit still.

Mattie can be hyperactive and he regularly stims. This is caused in part by the anorexia and the constant desire to move and burn more calories. Friends would need to be able to put up with this kind of self-stimulation, and the best friends aren't the ones who will chide him for it but who will ignore it like it's not happening. His friends don't need to be his therapists and counselors, forcing him to eat and making him work through his problems; They need to be his listening ears who care enough to let him talk when he's stressed out or wants something he can't have.

For the right friends, he might even open up about his past.

Romantic

Matthew is gay, but he's a self-hating gay man because of his religious faith and his inherent belief that what he's doing is wrong. Some people have suggested that he's homsoexual because of his father's nocturnal abuse, and Matthew himself questions this because it's been said so often. The truth is that he's had feelings about other boys for as long as he can remember. It bothers him, but it's who he is and he can't stop it or change it, so he has to deal with it to the best of his ability.

He's not looking for romance in Blue Lake. It's unlikely that most people will find him attractive because he's too thin and he's strung out at the moment coming off of heroin and nicotine. Anyone who does find him attractive is likely to be dismissed immediately, regardless of their gender.

If someone is serious about Mattie, they will take their time to get to know him and to earn his trust before attempting a romantic relationship with him. Girls might be more successful than boys because of Matthew's strict moral values, but he's not going to be into them the way that he would be with a guy and this will cause a lot of tension between them as a couple if this is something you want to play. Just bear in mind that it's going to be messy and could get ugly if you try to pair a girl with Matthew.

Antagonistic

Anorexia, heroin addiction, and the side effect of these diseases of the soul may be irritating to a lot of people. The constant movement, the irritability, the complaints of headaches and the tendency to pace the dormitory cabin at night may all contribute to likely enemies for Mattie.

He won't like having them. He's a good boy who will one day grow into a good man, but right now he's struggling with serious issues that he can't resolve by himself. Students might find him hard to be around and difficult to deal with, and counselors may be frustrated that he doesn't want to open up about his past and continually argues that he's trying to move forward, so what's the point in focusing so much on the past instead of on the future?

Other possible enemies are those who take issue with Matthew's faith. He doesn't push it on anyone, but the fact that he will take a moment to pray over a meal or the fact that he will stop what he's doing to ask God for assistance if he's under stress, may cause people to be uncomfortable around him. Those with conflicting faith or no faith at all may dislike him simply because he's faithful.

Anyone trying to change him will be an enemy, but it will grieve Matthew deeply that someone has become an enemy for this reason.

First Impressions

Does he ever bathe?

The very first thing that somebody is likely to notice about Mattie is the fact that he is very unkempt. His hair is a wreck, his skin is sallow, and his clothing is wrinkled and often not as clean as it could be. It's no question that people will notice that he's not clean. (This is not a wholly wrong impression of Matthew, who doesn't always shower as often as he should or wash his clothes as often as he could, due in part to depression.)

He's gangly.

Among other things, Matthew is particularly thin. He doesn't eat regular meals and only allows himself enough calories to keep his body going -- barely. It's not enough to properly fuel him and his body mass index is just above the normal range -- right on the border of too low. If he keeps going the way that he has been, he will begin to take increasing health risks in order to maintain his low weight and control his situation as much as he possibly can.

What are those marks on his arms?

Unless Matthew is wearing long sleeves, the track marks on his arms are going to show from where he has been a recent heroin user. People notice these things, and while children are the most apt to point them out, this is something that a lot of people are likely to find off-putting about Matthew, and they may judge him most quickly on this thing rather than on anything else.

Stranger Impressions

What makes someone go so far off the deep end?

Strangers are most apt to have heard that Matthew's been sent off to rehab for drug abuse. The anorexia isn't common knowledge yet, but his parents' choice in sending him away was based purely on his issues with heroin, and therefore people are going to know that he is a junkie who shoots up every opportunity that he gets. They don't know, of course, that he hates the drug and that he wishes that he was clean.

His poor parents!

Matthew is the second of his parents' children to become addicted to heroin. There are of course reasons that they have both become users and while his mother is completely in the dark, his father is the reason. Most strangers who find out about the Striders' second child becoming addicted feel terrible for their parents and everything that they have lost as a result of their boys being addicted.

It sounds like he's following in his brother's footsteps.

The world doesn't know what Matthew and Blaise have been through, so their natural assumption is that he's simply followed in his brother's footsteps. It's peer pressure, or he's just doing what his brother already did. Few people see Matthew as an individual who has now made his own mistakes and they associate what he's done with Blaise instead of giving him his own autonomy.

Friendly Impressions

He's got a great sense of humor.

The people who are closest to Matthew know that if you can get him to loosen up, he's good with a joke, laughs readily, and he's quick to make his friends laugh as well. For all the times that he's uptight with unfamiliar people, his friends think he's funny and charming (even if he doesn't bathe as often as they'd like). They don't always understand the way that the other people around him see him.

He's easy to talk to.

Mattie can do a lot of talking about his own life, but his friends also know him as an exceptional listener who hears what they have to say and genuinely cares about their problems. They know that he's really hearing them and that he puts a lot into his friendships. This is something that Matthew's friends appreciate about him.

He believes in something, but doesn't expect me to.

Everybody knows that Matthew is a Christian -- it's not something that he hides -- but a lot of the people with whom he's not close see him as somebody who will press his beliefs on others. Friends know that he's apt to keep his beliefs private while sharing them with those who express curiosity about his belief system. This makes most of his friends very comfortable with him.

Familiar Impressions

Why is he doing this? Matthew's mother in particular doesn't understand what's going on with her sons. Though she is clearly an enabler for her husband, she doesn't know that he's been abusing her sons, and therefore she is decidedly confused about Mattie's behavior. His father, likewise, doesn't understand the reasons why his son has gone so far off the rails.

Why didn't he protect me?

When he leaves for Brook Haven, Matthew is leaving a younger brother and a younger sister behind. His sister is safe -- his father has no interest in girls at all -- but his brother Luke is terrified of his father's nocturnal visits. He doesn't understand why Matthew didn't stay to protect him from their father, even though it wasn't Mattie's choice to go away.

Everything is his fault. While his mother doesn't understand and his brother is terrified and resentful that his brother abandoned him to deal with their father alone, his father blames him for the feelings and urges that he had and his desire to have sex with his sons. His father blames him for everything that he's done to his sons. No matter whether this is wrong or fair or not, this is how he feels about his son.

Rival Impressions

He's not much competition.

Matthew doesn't have a lot of rivals because he's not a competitive person. If somebody steps up to challenge him, he will generally back down on his own rather than allowing somebody to continue to challenge him. If there is a rivalry, however, between his weight and his mental state, he is not the person who can generally keep up with others in a rivalry and therefore it dies quickly.

Enemy Impressions

Who does he think he is, telling me how to live my life?

Some people feel like Matthew's trying to tell them how to live their lives, and this is especially frustrating considering that he's using heroin and is suppressing his sexuality. A lot of people find that his values as a Christian are telling them how to live their lives, and they hate that about him. This is one of the biggest reasons that he might wind up with an enemy, and the people who feel this way about him really dislike him.

He's just a stupid junkie.

Others will see Mattie as nothing more than a junkie, and there are certainly those types of anti-drug people who think that it's absolutely uncool to do drugs. These people might know why he uses, or they might not, but at the end of the day the important thing to these people only see that he's a junkie who shoots up to avoid problems. The real world has problems. Teenagers like Matthew don't.

He ought to be careful about the shit that he spreads.

There are people close to the Strider family who are furious with Matthew for telling his story. He's not said much to a lot of people because he's ashamed of what happened to him and he blames himself, but as he tries to get Luke out of that situation, the word is going to spread and it's going to be pretty nasty and dirty as it goes.

He doesn't know what it's like to have real problems.

Among those who don't know what Matthew has been through, most of them think that he's complaining about small problems, the kind that all teenagers experience. They don't know the truth of his situation, just that he seems like a whiny baby about things that don't really matter, and that he ought to shut up about it instead of running off at the mouth about it.

Authority Impressions

He's pushy and I don't like it.

If there is something that Matthew wants, or that he needs, he will push and push and ask and ask and nag and nag until he gets it. He can be a straight-up pain in the butt about the things that he wants and needs. Authorities are often frustrated that he doesn't give them all of the information that they need to help him but won't stop demanding their help until he gets what he needs.

He doesn't know when to sit down and shut up.

One of the side effects of his anorexia is that Matthew is always on the go. Some of this is because being on the go burns calories, but another part of it is that it makes him hyperactive. He has a hard time sitting still and when he gets an idea or a need into his head, he will not shut up about it. He can be downright pushy, in the physical sense, and the authorities who encounter this are not pleased with this behavior and wish that he'd cut it out.

He's troubled.

The most understanding authority figures are going to see that Matthew has a troubled past and that he's just trying to work his way through it. These compassionate people hear what he's not saying and try to help him as much as they can. They are the most likely people to bond deeply with Mattie and to be able to help him in the long run, and he will always have respect for these authority figures.

Coworker/Partner Impressions

He never shuts up. Why won't he shut up?

Most of Matthew's group mates are probably irritated with the fact that he's so active and talks all the time. In a group setting, this can be particularly annoying, and his group mates will likely want for him to just be quiet once in a while. Some people will find this to be too much and will likely wind up being short tempered with him.

Does he really have to affect our privileges?

The way that the system works on Brook Haven, one student can affect the way that the other students in their group receive their privileges. Matthew's refusal to eat or do other things that he's supposed to do for his anorexia can cause the loss of privileges or even punishments for the rest of the Trailblazers, and that pisses a lot of them off. Nobody likes to be in that situation.

Why can't he just do what he's supposed to do for once?

Mattie's anorexic, and this means for him that he often purges. He's not much of a binge-eater, though there are times when he eats too much. Most often he is fasting (purging) and this means that he's not doing the things that he's supposed to do. This is frustrating for his group because sometimes they get stalled up in doing the fun things that they want to do because Matthew isn't letting them move forward.

Lover Impressions

I wish he wouldn't spend so much time blaming himself.

Lovers know more about Mattie than anybody else does, and therefore they know what his father did to him. They know that his father told him that it was his fault that he got abused because he "turned his father on" and they want for him to know that it was never his fault, that his father was sick and that's all there really is to it.

I wish he understood that he isn't gay because of his abuse.

Another thing that lovers know about Matthew is that he earnestly believes that his father's abuse is the reason that he's gay. It's hard for him to live with this, and he's tried multiple times to straighten himself out. Being Christian, he believes that it's wrong for him to be gay, and he believes that it takes an event in the live to turn a person gay. Obviously he's wrong, or at least his lovers want him to know that he's wrong and to embrace who he is.

He stresses much too much and needs a break.

Life has been stressful for Matthew, and while most of his concerns are very valid, a lot of people tell him that he's just a kid, so what does he have to stress over? His lovers know more about what he goes through than most people do, and therefore they are the most apt to tell him that he needs to take the time for himself and to relax instead of stressing over the small things in life. The big things are major, however, and his lovers just want to take the pressure off of him.

Self-Impressions

It's all my fault.

Matthew blames himself for his father's abuse, and things are so twisted in his head that he's not sure that he's not to blame for what happened to Blaise, either. He's also worried that he's the one to blame for anything that happens to Luke and Dora as well, and he's absolutely terrified that he's going to go to hell for all the horrible things that he's caused to happen to his family.

I hate the way that I am.

Being Christian, Matthew particularly hates the fact that he is a homosexual junkie. This doesn't fit with his life philosophy and he wishes that he could be a better person, more in line with his interpretation of the Bible. Most of all he hates the trash that he injects into his body every day. It's killing him and he knows it, but he can't stop because of the addiction and because it allows him to escape.

I wish I could change.

More than anything, Matthew wants to be in recovery. He wants to change for the better, to be a better person who isn't addicted to drugs or starvation, somebody who can be the man that his family can be proud of, the man who doesn't force or tempt his father into doing terrible things to his brothers.

Post-Mortem Impressions

He deserved better than what he got.

In death, people might not know what happened to him, but a lot more people will likely be sympathetic to Matthew and what he's been through. They may still see how much of it he contributed to himself, but they will also see that he probably deserved a better life than what he managed to have while he was alive.

This is what happens when you're a junkie.

There will certainly be people who believe that Mattie got what he deserved because of his heroin use. A lot of junkies wind up dead of an overdose, and that's what a lot of people are going to think about the way that he died. Some might even think that he deserved what he got because he used drugs in the first place.

I didn't know he was starving himself.

Some might believe that Matthew died of starvation, or its side effects, and among those they are going to be surprised to find that he was anorexic. Most people won't know this while he's alive, at least not those who aren't on the ranch. It's a major problem that could contribute to his death later on after it gets worse.

Mun Impressions

I love Matthew.

He's one of my top five boys. Adore this boy.

I also think that he needs to forgive himself.

That is all.

Friends

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

Enemies

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

Lovers

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

Family

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

Other

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

First Last • Relationship

Bacon ipsum dolor amet brisket shoulder pork belly, prosciutto cupim jerky andouille meatball ham hock porchetta landjaeger. Cupim shank filet mignon, corned beef rump brisket salami biltong shankle drumstick chicken. Rump turducken brisket, porchetta ball tip sausage spare ribs. Strip steak corned beef short loin prosciutto chicken. Sausage pork chop tail meatloaf. Cupim spare ribs boudin andouille. Ham hock shankle capicola leberkas pancetta.

Habits

Picks at Scabs

At least in the beginning, Matthew is likely to have several self-harm scars. He tends to pick at his scabs. If he gets the scabs naturally through living on the ranch, he will still pick at those scabs as well. It's a way for him to stay in touch with his own body while also distracting himself from the hunger pangs that come from not eating in order to get control of his life.

Self-Deprivation

In an effort to get control of parts of his life that he has been unable to control thus far, Matthew deprives himself of basic things that other people consider important, such as food and even basic hygiene. If you were to ask him, he wouldn't say that it's about getting control, though. He'd say that it's more that it's about punishing himself for the horrible things that he's done.

Self-Harming

Even without blades to use to cut himself, Matthew finds ways to draw blood. Whether it's using his fingernails to scratch his skin or finding sharp rocks to do the job, he'll find a way because this makes him feel cleansed of the things that he's done wrong in his life, and the pain makes him feel that there's something left to feel.

Quirks

Skinny

Matthew is very thin as a result of anorexia nervosa. He is a male sufferer of a primarily female eating disorder and he struggles with counting calories and being especially careful not to take in more than he burns every day. He is very slender for his height and size and though he is close to a healthy weight at the moment, he is at the very bottom of the acceptable ranch for body mass index (BMI).

Self-Stimulation

Matthew regularly stims as a result of his anorexia. It's a side effect, and he often shakes his hands in particular, but he will also fiddle with different parts of his clothing. The more that he eats and the less nervous his body is, the more likely he is to drop this behavior. It's especially bad if he's able to get some nicotine or caffeine into his system. He likes both because they make him feel as though he's burning calories.

Hyperactive

Another side-effect of anorexia, Matthew is hyperactive. He moves almost constantly, has trouble sitting still, and he doesn't often keep his mouth shut when he should. He talks a lot and he bounces his foot or leg the way that a lot of people with ADHD do.

Hobbies

Volunteering

Perhaps not exactly a hobby so much as something to do with his time, Matthew enjoys volunteering in order to help others in the community. He believes in Christian outreach and teaching others about God through example. He's not the type to preach at people, but he hopes to help others to see the love of Jesus by demonstrating that love through his own testimony through his actions.

Stamp Collecting

It might not be the most masculine hobby in the world, but Matthew fell in love with international stamps at a young age. He began to collect them when he was eight years old and he still has a book of stamps that he's collected off of old postcards and which he's exchanged with international partners through high school. He won't be able to do this so much on the ranch, but it's one of his favorite things.

Poi

Not a hobby that most people know about, Matthew picked up poi a few years ago. This is a type of juggling that he learned when he couldn't keep three objects in the air at all times, and opted for this instead. He loves to play around with weighted socks, and he's actually made himself a proper pair of poi now to use for his hobby.

Skills

Drawing • Adequate

Matthew's not a fan of producing art, and therefore this is not a hobby for him, but he's adequate at drawing things to specifications. Sometimes he sketches things out to help him to concentrate, and sketching can also be a form of self-stimulation when he needs it to be.

Bible Study • Good

Matthew has been studying his Bible since he was a little boy, but he has developed a system of study which helps him to retain the information as well as developing a good relationship with God. He keeps a notebook along with his Bible and goes through a system which records his feelings about what he's read. This helps him to process many of the bad things that happen to him.

Persuasion • Very Good

Matthew has a knack for persuading people to do what he wants them to do. This is part communication and part his ability to convey his urgency to another person. When he wants something, he won't quit until he is able to get what he wants or needs from the person he is persuading. Very few people can say no to Matthew once he has begun to work his magic on them.

Interests

Christianity

Matthew has been a Christian his entire life, and this is a serious interest of his. He believes wholeheartedly in God and that Jesus died on the cross to save him from his sin. He also believes that he has an obligation to God to follow His commandments, and therefore he does his best in quite a legalistic fashion. It breaks Matthew's heart that he has done so many things that fly in the face of his Christian faith, but he does his absolute best to be the best Christian he can be.

Homosexuality

Torn between two worlds, Matthew doesn't know whether he was born gay or he developed homosexuality as a consequence for his sins with his father. He understands the concept of the sins of the father in the Bible, but he doesn't understand that it might not be his fault (or a curse) that he's gay the way that he is. He hates himself for this, but he's interested in learning as much as he can about the fact that he's not alone.

Recovery

Between anorexia and addiction, Matthew is suffering. He wants to recover and "get better," but he needs help to do so. He's doing his best to learn as much as he can about how he can get better from here and be a better person than he's been in the past. More than anything he wants to get clean and gain weight, but he's not sure how to do it in a way that's healthy for him.

Desired Plots

There's Always a Black Market

In places like Brook Haven, there is nearly always a black market for things like cigarettes or drugs. While it is very rare for students to get their hands on these items, it's possible that they can bribe a delivery person to provide them with the things that they want -- cigarettes in particular.

I want Matthew to get his hands on a pack of cigarettes. If not a pack, then at least a small handful of them (enough to share with somebody) and to share this small addiction with somebody else. It would be best for me if this somebody else also deals with addiction issues, but I'm willing to suck it up if they just really love to smoke cigarettes. I'm also okay with any outcome that this thread could have (including expulsion, though I'd prefer not to go there. Matthew does have family in town).

Group Punishment

This one involves all of the Trailblazers and as such might be more difficult for me to get going, but I think that it would be interesting to have a situation in which the Trailblazer group is on meal restriction due to one of its members not doing their punishment. It could be Matthew who started it or it could be somebody else. It doesn't matter one way or the other to be perfectly honest with you.

Since Matthew doesn't want to eat, this will do nothing to incentivize him to do the punishment for the person who is being punished, and therefore this is a disaster waiting to happen.

Ultimately Matthew will be forced to eat because he is anorexic and there's no other option for him but to be forced to consume some food, thus breaking down the entire system and perhaps revealing it to be faulty in the first place.

Pushy Mattie

Obviously this depends a lot on how his key plot about Luke plays out, but I'd like for Matthew to have some help in getting Luke out of his situation at home. This means that he's going to have to have an adult who is willing to hear him about the issues with his parents and therefore to help him to find somebody who is willing to help him get to Luke.

This plot could last several threads with the right person, and I'd love to be able to expose just how pushy Matthew can be when he wants or needs to get something.

About Otter


Age: 37
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
Time Zone: GMT-5
Native Language: English

Preferred Word Count: 500+
Likely Triggers: positive adoption language, abortion, miscarriage, needles, graphic, bloody violence. if you tag these, i should be okay!
Limits: Please don't make me chase your character down. I'm not going to go into grotesque detail about this, but I have a difficult time with chasing after a character. It's highly stressful for me and having to chase actually ruins the thread (and sometimes the relationship) for me.

Also, I have a soft limit of threads where graphic depictions of sexual abuse are part of the story. if you warn me ahead of time, i might be able to handle it.

Your Other Characters: rachel vanderbilt, logan brook, isabella curry, rebekah brook, grace somers, nathan curry, william jenkins, katelyn yu, eleanor noble, montana sheridan, nadia grisham, anne howard, cleo turley, thomas montgomery, esmeralda correa, symphony lyonette, liam holmes, Westley Holmes, daesung hyung, morgan keaton, everett jeffries, blake gilbert, seth pope, petra sokoloff

benjamin lyonette
pastor • 36 YRS
ENFJ
Occupation
pastor
Nickname
Ben | Pastor
Pronouns
he/him
Sexual Orientation
homosexual
Status
married
Partner
Nate Curry
Riding Style
Western
Black Diamond
is
Blackie

Breed
Andalusian
Gender
gelding
Age
15
Disciplines
trail riding, cutting
Application
is Offline


Age
26
Pronouns
she/her
Timezone
GMT-5
Contact
pm me! | discord
20 Posts
255 Points
Trailblazer
counselor

Ben & Mattie
I think there's some serious potential for these two to get along, and with him working as a counselor in Mattie's group, there should be ample opportunities for them to run into one another. They're both Christian and they're both gay, and I'd love it if Ben could find a way to work with Matthew and see about getting him to open up about anything.

Should he decide to open up with Ben about life at home, he'd definitely be up for helping with Luke.

Hit me back!


karl sanders
Chemistry Teacher • 57 YRS
ESTJ-A
Occupation
Chemistry Teacher
Nickname
Karl
Pronouns
He/Him
Sexual Orientation
Homosexual
Status
Married
Partner
Riding Style
Western
is

Breed
Gender
Age
Disciplines
Application
Ben
is Offline


Age
35
Pronouns
He/him
Timezone
EST
Contact
PM
29 Posts
170 Points
Trader's Bend
Local
Mattie & Karl
I know it's going to take some effort to get these two a chance to interact, but there are some opportunities, like events, and Karl would have so much respect for Mattie if he knew what Mattie was doing and going through, and maybe even some advice, especially about living as a gay man while having relationships with women. Not all of it good advice, of course. I'm at a loss right now for how to get know enough to start that interaction; one thought is that I think Karl's wife and/or kids volunteer at BHR, so we might be able to script a connection through them that brings Karl and Mattie together.
Hit me back!
g. moybray
Student • 17 YRS
ESTJ
Occupation
Student
Nickname
Grace, Gray, Grayson
Pronouns
Depends, she/her, he/him, they/them
Sexual Orientation
Demisexual
Status
Single
Partner
N/a
Riding Style
English
G. was raised to be the perfect daughter, and when they came out as genderfluid, their parents were disappointed, and often used the wrong pronouns. An excellent field hockey player, G. felt pressure from their mother to lose weight, and eventually developed anorexia nervosa.
Barrel
is
A Barrel of Poppies and Roses

Breed
Morgan Horse
Gender
Mare
Age
7
Disciplines
Dressage
Application
is Offline


Age
21
Pronouns
Ze/zher
Timezone
GMT-8
Contact
Discord
42 Posts
310 Points
Wellwader
Mustang
G. & Mattie
TW: anorexia nervosa Besides maybe a quick misunderstanding about the wording of it, G. would be glad that someone with strong religious views is okay with them being genderfluid. G. could always use a bit of support, as they think there's a lot of things wrong with their body. Since they're both anorexic, I think they might have a support group together, but G. is trying to get better and just can't figure out how which is very frustrating for them, since they like being in the know about everything. They're very active as well, so any type of excercise restriction is going to make them a little uncomfortable, so they might want to talk about that.
Hit me back!


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everleigh spaulding
• YRS
Occupation
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is

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is


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0 Posts
Points

Ever & MatthewEver isn't actively religious so he probably wouldn't find out that she's Catholic. Her family was more the type that celebrated the holidays and might have gone to church on Easter but that was the extent of it. Ever herself doesn't think much about religion on her own.Because they have so much in common, especially with their issues, it would be cool if they could find some way to interact. Maybe one of the events or something in a group setting where they are paired up for a chore or activity. Like I said in her app, she would approach someone who needed help so a situation where Matthew is struggling with a chore or something would bring him to Ever's attention.Hit me back!
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everleigh spaulding
• YRS
Occupation
Nickname
Pronouns
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Status
Partner
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is

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Age
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is


Age
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0 Posts
Points

Ever & MatthewI think that idea works and I'm interested to see how Ever would respond, as well. She definitely would want to do something but wouldn't know the right thing to do. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out. I'll throw her in when you get a chance to post the thread.Hit me back!
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